I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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