He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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