the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
