Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
