Small penises have feelings too.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
