Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
