You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Two words: nipple clamps
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