Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
