ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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