My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
