I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I see more hoeing in ur future
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
