I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
