I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
