I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
