So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
