Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
