Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
