I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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