And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
