ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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