It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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