I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
