You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
