I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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