I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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