So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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