I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
