you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
