My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
