so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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