woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
