You're completely useless in the revolution.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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