I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Every concussion has its silver lining
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
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