whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
