Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
