I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
