At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
