Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
