I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
