I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
