Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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