how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
