if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
