i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
