just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
