Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
