she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize