Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
