I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
