i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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