hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
