I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
