i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
