i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
