the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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