you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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