Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
my liver is dry heaving
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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