My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
