Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
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Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
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It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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