This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
