We're facebook friends in real life
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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