There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
