i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
