drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
