put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
time to smoke my breakfast
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
