Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
