On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Who did Billy Mays play for?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
