i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
