Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
