i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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