walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
