You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
