plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
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