I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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