if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
