everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Randomize
