can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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